On 07 APRIL 2007 I Buried part of myself 6 feet under.. Another sad turning point in my life. Another SuperNova. Another locked chamber in the back of my brain which is full of extremely devastating memories.. no such human brain can tolerate..I have no friggin idea why it's always written for me in the old dusty books of fate to stumble with dramatic super devastating life turning drastic and sad events.. This is becoming so frequent I think I should give such incidents a name.. you know, when you get close to something you start giving them names.. I heard once one guy gave his cancer tumor a name "Charlie", another one named his couch "Amanda".. So.. I decided to call such life turning events the name "
SuperNova". For you illiterate people here is a scientific definition of
SuperNova but as a quick explanation imagine it as the cause of a drastic death then a dramatic crystal clear life afterwards which happens in a blink of an eye..
I still wonder how I was/am physically and mentally able to pass those SuperNovas with no shown defect.. YET !!! I'll never know cuz if I become insane I'll never know it right ? and even if I knew it I will never tell ! Also right.. ?
Last time I hit one SuperNova was at the end of 2005 and I had to do a sharp turn in my life and to re-engineer my whole brain/personality even my wardrobe and haircut.. "this is where my dA signature comes from"
(About me: Neither Revised nor Renovated... BUT Re-engineered.) Well, since I don't have enough hair on my head any more for a new hair style, I think I won't change it this time..
Yesterday.. was the second one. Oh that was way bigger than the first one. This is too personal I cannot reveal.. Frankly I cannot explain what happened exactly in such a SuperNova because I blackout and when I come back conscious I wake up with a new complete personality. I think this is a natural defensive way the brain does when it overflows in order to protect itself from being damaged... Shutdown and Restart.. exactly like Microsoft windows ! who said Microsoft windows is bad !! Who said Mr. Gates is not a genius !?!?! I'm concerned that one day my brain shuts down but never restarts.. or shall I hope that it never ? Or it might restart and I end up with a serial killer personality ? maybe !
The strange thing is after a SuperNova, I become stronger and whatever used to be a weak point becomes a strength point. I feel so fresh and revived.. so strong and clear minded.. And for seconds, I can see clearly in both eyes "Usually I can't see well with my left eye for you who do not know that". Ready to make sharp decisions.. military decisions.. minor casualties accepted in order to quickly end the pain.. Within seconds, my brain grasps and finds answers and solutions to all the dilemmas that were bringing me down..
BUT.. That was only the brain.. my brain restarts but the heart stays the same.. well not exactly the same.. but with more grief.. with bigger chunk of dead meat that has no blood running through.. Am I going to run out of heart ?
Now, why I'm sharing such a twisted thing with you guys ? I have no friggin idea.. Just wanted to get it out of my system.. I wasn't really wanting or caring if someone "WILL" read this entry or not.. and whether you think of me as a creep or not then it's your problem not mine.
Thanks for reading and if you did not understand the crap I'm talking about then read them again. This is the experience of a 32 years old man who lived multiple lives within one.. So get use of it.
Before I go back in my box again, I would like to share with you the most touchy comment I ever had on my page
comments.deviantart.com/4/3173… Thanks
wazupha you are so sweet.. 1,000,000
s
CHEERS.........