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slim-mer

Snapshot of my dreams
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bRAINS

4 min read
Dark Portrait by slim-mer

Hey, Wanna share something with you "or with whoever is still interested in reading my journals or even visiting my page", actually something which shocked me a bit.

While I was searching the net, I found the following video (
The Boy With The Incredible Brain ), it's a documentary about people with high brains ability like massive calculations, remembering the calendar days and weather for years etc..

All of those people gained their ability after some sort of head injury. They described some sort of strange shapes, patterns and flashes they see when they think of finding the answer those shapes lead them to the answer claiming that "pattern" is there all the time.

You might be thinking wut da'hell is shocking in that, actually, I didn't realize that the documentary tells part of my story too..

When I was 14, I was able to do massive calculations and give precise results upto 4 decimals within seconds, I used to do it for fun never realizing how strange it is. friends used to gather around me and start throwing questions at me and they get thrilled everytime I answer. What else is common in me ? well, I had a head injury too ! When I was 8, I fell backward hitting my skull to the floor and was kept away from light for a week for recovery.. When I became an adult, I lost interest in that gift and stopped playing around with it until few months ago, I noticed myself reading the car plates numbers while driving and forming identical patterns of them, I felt so strange but couldn't stop myself as if my brain is acting on its own.. Now I understand my need for learning all the time, if time passes and I didn't learn something new I feel hunger in my head, I can't describe what it is but I simply rush towards calculations without knowing what I'm doing and I end up solving second-degree formulas and stuff like that ! :( I guess I'm a freak !!


Anyways, I recommend you watching that clip its 150MB and around 48 mins "you can download it too"

btw, I'll be flying to Omaha/USA tomorrow night and will be there for 7 days, catch up with u when I come back ;)

Cheers !




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Dark Portrait by slim-mer

Today I watched a movie called Lolita. It's originally a book written by Vladimir Nabokov I can't say it's an excellent movie, its story is so creative but it could have been directed in a better way

What I really liked is many of the quotes Jeremy Irons said. I liked the dialogs a lot. Most of his thoughts were so expressive and well written in so neat English.

The way he expressed his knowledge of the certainty that his lover is playing with him in a mocking way.. but the minute he lays his eyes on her he goes so weak as a leaf.

I couldn't capture all the best, thought of sharing some with you:


-) Here she is.. mocking me and doing all that to me..

-) She was the dead leaf echo of a nymphet from a long ago..

-) I loved her, this Dolores pale and polluted..

-) I would still go mad with her tenderness at the mere sight of her face..

-) Don't touch me.. if you do I'll die..





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Excuse my too many updates to this

Dark Portrait by slim-mer

Who said life is a sequence of logical events ?

Yeah believe it or not I was a dumbass and stupid enough to believe that life should always be scaled, measured and weighed with logic.. Forgetting all the deceptive , fake and SELFISH people who lurk around in the most close and intimate places of a person's life and mess around with its balance...

When I "the dumbass" was hit by the off-the-railway train of the illogical scale of life, it felt as if the law of physics is a big lie, as if gravity is a hypocrite of its own founder..

What's wrong of being honest to a certain "safe" level ?! What's wrong of being logical and REAL all the time ?! Some people consider that as dull life and  their subconscious "decides" to add some "salt" to it by outbalancing or overbalancing life considering that as "cleverness" and becoming tough.. YEAH TOUGH !! I can break people so I'm tough.. never considering the damage they will cause to others and thinking that the word "Sorry" or "let's forget all about it" will fix it all..

They crawl under your skin using the excuse of friendship, security or even love.. then they simply explode.. I guess that's so painful to have something explodes under your skin.. especially to a person who values all sort of relationships like my-dumbass-self. Worse than that is they seem puzzled if you express your feelings of hurt to them as if they did nothing or even what they've done is "expected" and they blame you for ALL OF THATTTTTT.

It's so scarey when you clearly see the sadistic pleasure in their eyes as if they just had their orgasm.. that's so sadistic.. If you watched ken park you would know what I mean.. Afterwards, they use all the tactics and every chance to always show you how small you are compared to them and they consider the thing which they were always seeking in you "which are your emotions" as being weak !! caring is considered weak !?

I'm not perfect, I have my screw ups, my dark side and of course my dreams where no law is applied. But at least being a sinner and knowing it, trying to alter it and most importantly never screwing up others by my sins is a virtue..

I'd like to tell those fake people that no matter how hard they try, they won't be able to deviate me off my beliefs and turn me into fake soul like them.. They were like us but were deformed by the obstacles of life.. they simply were weak souls... and.... and that I feel the sorrow for them and pray for their and "my" salvation day and night.. Telling them no matter how ugly they became inside out I will never forget how beautiful they were once... because they always live in my dreams..

Before browsing off my page and feeling sorry about me, think a bit.. Haven't you been in such a situation before ? if no then my friend you will be facing this at least once in your life so be prepared..

more into this

Yesterday | Time off | Pay It Forward

-Slim




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yESTERDAY..

5 min read
On 07 APRIL 2007 I Buried part of myself 6 feet under.. Another sad turning point in my life. Another SuperNova. Another locked chamber in the back of my brain which is full of extremely devastating memories.. no such human brain can tolerate..

I have no friggin idea why it's always written for me in the old dusty books of fate to stumble with dramatic super devastating life turning drastic and sad events.. This is becoming so frequent I think I should give such incidents a name.. you know, when you get close to something you start giving them names.. I heard once one guy gave his cancer tumor a name "Charlie", another one named his couch "Amanda".. So.. I decided to call such life turning events the name "SuperNova". For you illiterate people here is a scientific definition of SuperNova  but as a quick explanation imagine it as the cause of a drastic death then a dramatic crystal clear life afterwards which happens in a blink of an eye..

I still wonder how I was/am physically and mentally able to pass those SuperNovas with no shown defect.. YET !!! I'll never know cuz if I become insane I'll never know it right ? and even if I knew it I will never tell ! Also right.. ?

Last time I hit one SuperNova was at the end of 2005 and I had to do a sharp turn in my life and to re-engineer my whole brain/personality even my wardrobe and haircut.. "this is where my dA signature comes from" (About me: Neither Revised nor Renovated... BUT Re-engineered.) Well, since I don't have enough hair on my head any more for a new hair style, I think I won't change it this time..

Yesterday.. was the second one. Oh that was way bigger than the first one. This is too personal I cannot reveal.. Frankly I cannot explain what happened exactly in such a SuperNova because I blackout and when I come back conscious I wake up with a new complete personality. I think this is a natural defensive way the brain does when it overflows in order to protect itself from being damaged... Shutdown and Restart.. exactly like Microsoft windows ! who said Microsoft windows is bad !! Who said Mr. Gates is not a genius !?!?! I'm concerned that one day my brain shuts down but never restarts.. or shall I hope that it never ? Or it might restart and I end up with a serial killer personality ? maybe !

The strange thing is after a SuperNova, I become stronger and whatever used to be a weak point becomes a strength point. I feel so fresh and revived.. so strong and clear minded.. And for seconds, I can see clearly in both eyes "Usually I can't see well with my left eye for you who do not know that". Ready to make sharp decisions.. military decisions.. minor casualties accepted in order to quickly end the pain.. Within seconds, my brain grasps and finds answers and solutions to all the dilemmas that were bringing me down..

BUT.. That was only the brain.. my brain restarts but the heart stays the same.. well not exactly the same.. but with more grief.. with bigger chunk of dead meat that has no blood running through.. Am I going to run out of heart ?

Now, why I'm sharing such a twisted thing with you guys ? I have no friggin idea.. Just wanted to get it out of my system.. I wasn't really wanting or caring if someone "WILL" read this entry or not.. and whether you think of me as a creep or not then it's your problem not mine.

Thanks for reading and if you did not understand the crap I'm talking about then read them again. This is the experience of a 32 years old man who lived multiple lives within one.. So get use of it.

Before I go back in my box again, I would like to share with you the most touchy comment I ever had on my page comments.deviantart.com/4/3173… Thanks wazupha you are so sweet.. 1,000,000 :hug:s

CHEERS.........




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dARK aDMIN

2 min read
Hey I'm back ! ;)




Most of you know how gloomy and grumpy my personality could  sometimes become ; therefore,

I'm pleased to announce that I've been selected as one of the new administrators of DarkArtists-Inc club !

Whether you like dark art or not, just go and check that club out as there are many breathtaking photo manipulation art work done there.




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Featured

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yESTERDAY.. by slim-mer, journal

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